Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
