there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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