i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
