Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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