Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
