And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I would ride that face into the sunset
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
