I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
