I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Randomize