It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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