I wish you could order shots online.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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