You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
