It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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