YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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