I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
