singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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