I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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