you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Never underestimate the power of titties
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
