Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
You are a genius and a whore.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
