Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize