Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
