UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
