dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i will never coherently bang her
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize