the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
