when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize