Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize