I want to stick my p in your. b.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
