that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
