so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
