matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I just gift wrapped bread.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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