and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
