last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
