His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
