the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Blood and glitter go together right?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
