apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
