Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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