So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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