No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
