Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
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