btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize