im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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