Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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