Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
