Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
