I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I need a burrito and a hug.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize