do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
