I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
