Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
