Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Congratulations! We have a period
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
