I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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