Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
