people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
did i just pee glitter
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
