Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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