remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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