i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
