Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
