imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
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