were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
