shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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