I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
