i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
