Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
