ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
