I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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