Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
