The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
whose parrot is this?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
