I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
it's like iHOP with fire
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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