he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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