He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
