the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
