Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
