So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize