Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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