everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize