Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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