totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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