Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize