stop calling my apartment porn island.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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