i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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