Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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