We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
