If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
