Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize