I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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