It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
