Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize