we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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