My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
