Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
