I didn't shave. On purpose
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize