don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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