i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
