Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
