I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
